A thesis paper should be started with a little bit of background about the era which is being mentioned here; in this case, it should include the kind of life the women lived during those days. At the outset, you could mention how the women were confined to their homes with very little education. They were not brought up to be career women like today’ s women. Their main source to become successful and financially independent was to latch on to a successful man. This was a sure shot to a secure future and so some overly ambitious women did not think twice before using unfair means to get there.
I think this should take care of your introduction. Now, you must get onto developing your main idea which you have done well, I am talking about your opening paragraph. In fact, your opening line is very effective. You could add a little more descriptive over here. Probably you could put in a little background of the story in this paragraph because you are presuming the reader knows everything the text but actually you must think the reader needs to be told about it.
This will help build up your thesis well and you will be able to expand your writing as well. When you talk about women disrupting men’ s lives due to their scheming nature you may write about a few instances from other works, which your teacher must have referred to in class while teaching. References to instances from other similar works add to your paper. You seem to have sound knowledge about your text because way you put your points forth is great, you just need to talk about each idea a little more in detail.
For example in your second paragraph, you have mentioned just one particular incident and how Candide’ s hardships begin. Here you may write in a little-detailed manner about the relationship shared between Candide and Miss Cunegonde and the situation which led to the kiss. Your paragraph three is mainly a quote, here you may add a little bit of your reflection, what you think about the whole episode, you even take a side and develop your points on the basis of the stand you have taken.
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