My laptop has made me more suspicious of those around me. Most of the people around me are in the same economic boat as I am, which is not saying much. Let’ s just say the waters are choppy and the boat is actually a raft. Anyway, I never gave much thought to the economic prowess, or lack thereof, of those around me. That, alas, has changed. With my new acquisition, I now end up trying to remember whether my friend has a decent laptop or computer at home or I often end up trying to gauge whether a person is around me because of a certain affinity for me, or because my computer would give them easier access to getting their homework (or recreation) done.
Why bother going to the library when your pal has a fully equipped laptop within easy reach? Of course, it is not much to share one’ s laptop with one’ s pals, but sharing has its limits – admittedly the limits I have drawn are pretty stingy. I find myself searching for clues as to the friendship I am proffered is limited to me alone, or whether it extends to my laptop as well.
This is not an easy task in any respect, and mostly I catch myself trying to notice nuances that are not there in the first place, but I really do need to know the answer to the question. This brings us to the third problem; my self-esteem has suffered a huge blow because of the acquisition. Because I am suspicious of those around me (a flaw in my thinking, nobody’ s I feel that nobody wants to be around me because I am a fun person to be around, but rather for the chance of getting to use my laptop.
Let’ s just say that because of my laptop, I end up considering the idea of nobody loving me for me. That is pretty shallow of me, yes, but then I can conveniently lay the blame on the recent purchase of the laptop. I never had this worry before; those who wanted to hang around with me did so and I questioned their motives, whereas those who did not want to hang around with me did not and I did not question their motives either.
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