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The Hardest Decision I have Ever Made: a Closed Adoption

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The morning of December 17th, my husband, the voice of reason, advised me not to stay at home. He did not want me to make myself crazy. His specific advice was, “ go shopping or go visit a friend, don’ t stay at home today. ” I called one more time before leaving the house still no response. I went to Goodwill, a large departmental store; it would take me the entire day to finish browsing through the items in this store. After about half an hour of browsing Poncho calls me and tells me to find a seat.

He congratulates me and tells me that I am now a grandmother. I said “ What? ” He said he had just spoken to Jonathan who was very excited to talk to me. Poncho gave me Jonathan’ s number. Jonathan was unable to call yesterday because he was in the hospital with his wife. They had their first son on Wednesday, my birth date. “ Oh my God, my first grandchild was born on my birthday, ” I smiled and felt that the world was alright after all.

I hung up with Poncho and almost immediately called Jonathan. Before I made the call I had to pull myself together, wipe the tears from my eyes and figure out how to form the words. My hands were visibly shaking as I dialled the number. Jonathan answered on the first ring. I said, “ Is this Jonathan? ” His response was, “ yes it is” and we both said “ Hi” at the same time. I told him my entire life story in the few minutes we had on the phone. I especially remember telling him how sorry I was about everything.

He insisted that there was nothing to be sorry about because he totally understood why I had to give him up. He promised that we will be reunited soon. The most precious moment occurred when he told me that he loved me and that there was not a day when he did not think of me. We talked for more than an hour and finally decided to meet for the first time in one week- for Christmas. We ended our conversation with tears of pure joy.

We called each other every day for the next week. On Christmas day we were reunited. There was endless hugging and kissing and tears. Nonetheless, the highlight of the evening was when I held my first grandson. Jonathan and I both agreed that nothing and no one would ever keep us apart again.

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